The Mooning  Story

by Tom Kender

 

It would have been nice to have left some kind of legacy behind at Fairview....It's not that I had done anything spectacular...I certainly wasn't valedictorian like Mike Levitt, who, by the way will be our first alumnus to be profiled on this web site in a couple of weeks....I wasn't the star quarterback...I wasn't in any theater production or chorus...I was an average student....but somehow...I have left a mark at Fairview that apparently will remain forever....the infamous mooning story.

I'm not proud of what happened....although I think it is friggin' funny...but proud...nah...not probably the right word. For those who have heard the story...I am sure I will embellish it as I relate the incident once again...for those of you with still a little starch left in your shorts.... after all these years...well, lighten up, I say....life is too short.
It all began during our normal lunch. For some reason I thought it happened during my senior year, but now Pat O'Connell has informed me that he was in on it too, so I guess it was my junior year ...the other key players were Don Moshos and maybe Bruce Trowman....I think...and forgive me if I got the names wrong...it's been awhile.
OK.. back to the story....we probably went to McDonald's for lunch and as we were coming back to school past the Mascot.. we noticed the large crowd that always gathered at lunch time....we got ready to park and someone has the genius idea to "moon" all of our Fairview classmates...So, I make a U-turn and Pat, and Don and Bruce hang their butts, pants down, out the windows and flash everybody....hell, we were dying laughing,, we thought it was so funny ...we said.. "hey, let's do it again"...that was our mistake.
So I make another U-turn and bingo....horn a blarein' asses hung out the window... we are just laughin' and laughin'.
We go ahead and park and by that time...5th period is about to begin...I laughed with a couple of guys about the fun we just had....and next thing I know I get called out of class and called to Stormin Norman's office....I'm thinking ..well, I know I haven't been selected into the National Honor Society...so it is probably something bad...sure enough....here Bruce and Don are sitting outside the office...we exchange glances and next thing I know I am called in....
Norman stares at me and I stare back at him... its gonna be a stand off. He asks me one question..."Tom, do you know what mooning is"......I bite my lip...the devilish grin that has always gotten me into trouble slowly starts to appear.. and I say..."No, sir"...he said.."Well, when you do learn what it is... bring your parents back to school with you...because you are suspended"
Now I had gotten into my share of trouble at Fairview and had received numerous whacks for it and all was forgiven... but suspension... man, this was major..
So we decide to regroup the next morning and we'll just go to class and maybe all of this will pass over.
I'm in first period class and I get summoned back to Norman's office...god, bless his soul for having to put up with so much crap
He says.." I told you were suspended"
So, all of us, except for O'Connell, who for some reason didn't get caught...decide to go over to someone's house and we proceed to drink a bottle of that cure-all...that great pain reliever.. Lawrence screwdriver.

So briefly...we get drunk. .and I decide to run away from home, take off heading south and somewhere along the way I pick up this hitchhiker who is going to Florida to paint houses.. Well, this wino wants me to join him and we keep going.
I run out of gas somewhere in Kentucky and by that time I have sobered up and decide to sell my watch for enough gas to get back home...I get as far as Cincinnati and it is about 5:00 PM and I am out of gas again.. I decide to call my mom and I start telling her about what happened and am crying on the phone...mom is wondering what to do and these people see me crying and give me 5 bucks to get home.. I finally get there and eat dinner...mom goes with me to school the next day...I am reinstated and it is never brought up again....except now and again from my alleged friends. so, now you have heard the story and may my legacy....please find some rest :)